When I left off, I had spent the weekend with my immediate family after learning that the lesion under my right thumbnail that had been present for a while was malignant melanoma. As a surgeon, I had performed the biopsy on myself. During that weekend, I came to peace with that diagnosis, accepted the Lord’s will to be done no matter what the outcome, experienced old hymns from childhood that would continue to comfort me, and was finally able to eat and sleep again.

Monday was to be a big day. My wife Kellee and I had spent the past couple of business days working on our affairs and planning for “worse case” scenarios. So, the first meeting of the day was with our personal attorney downtown to sign and finalize our updated will. Then, the rest of the day was dedicated to the first series of medical consultations and to starting the workup and staging process for my cancer.

I found myself back at the large academic medical center in town, where I had trained for 10 years (4 years of medical school and 6 years as a resident physician). But now, instead of being a caregiver, I was the patient. Becoming the patient was a somewhat humbling experience! After answering the medical questionnaires and filling out all the demographic information, I was asked to remove my clothing and put on a hospital gown. Before meeting with the first surgeon, I was escorted down the hall by a nurse to get a plain film (x-ray) of my thumb. I sat in a little waiting area with two other patients who also were wearing the same attire: hospital gown, underwear, and socks. It seemed surreal that just a few days ago I had been treating my own patients.

Over the course of the next several hours, I met with resident and attending physicians. I did receive the first bit of good news. The plain x-ray did not reveal that the distal phalanx, or bone of my thumb, was involved by any tumor as sometimes is the case when it has been present for so long. However, I did learn that I was going to need to undergo a partial amputation of my right thumb, likely back to the first joint if all the margins were clear. This was really no surprise to me, but the reality of being a right-handed surgeon was beginning to sink in, and my mind raced to all the possibilities and to whether I would be able to adapt very well or not.

That evening, I was scheduled for my first major round of imaging studies. I was to undergo an MRI scan of my right hand and of my brain. The imaging study of the brain would be used to evaluate for any distant metastases (distant spread) of tumor to my brain. Because of the multiple consultations and logistics, my imaging studies were delayed and rescheduled to be performed in the evening. It had already been a long day, but as the sun was setting, I walked with Kellee into an empty waiting room, late in the day, to embark on a 2-hour imaging session. I first underwent several series of imaging sequences, followed by intravenous access for contrast administration, and then had to finish up with more imaging sequences. The MRI technician was working late into the evening, and she was so compassionate, courteous, and professional. I shared with her how appreciative I was that she was willing to stay late and provide care for me. We were running late because of our appointments; however, the Radiologist, the receptionist, and this MRI technician all waited for me. I shared with her that I was a physician and surgeon, somewhat apprehensive about what the future might bring. I laid there and prayed for the solid two hours, wondering what the scanner was finding with all that loud knocking as it sliced through my brain. When it was all over, I got the fantastic news that my brain images were all clear…no evidence of brain lesions…answered prayer! I was moved to tears as I walked back to car with Kellee. We finally got a little good news. I saw the pronoun “we” because Kellee has been right there beside me every step of the way on this journey.

Next, two days later, I was scheduled for a whole-body PET/CT scan. This type of study is a complicated one. Certain types of human tissue have a high metabolic activity, and this can be measured by how much glucose is being taken up as fuel for cell division and growth. For this study, fluorodeoxyglucose, or FDG, is a radioactive tracer that is used. The radioactive isotope is attached to the glucose molecule so that it can be picked up on the imaging study. Tumors tend to have a high metabolic activity and can be identified by the PET scan. The activity on the PET scan is compared to any lesions that might be found on a standard CT scan, and this information can be very valuable in determining if there is distant spread from a primary tumor. First, an IV inserted into my arm, and then the FDG was administered. I then had a one hour wait to allow the radioactivity to spread throughout my whole body. After the waiting period, I then spent the next hour in the scanner, praying the whole time! Again, I just laid there wondering what the imaging study would find as it scanned my lungs, my liver, my bony skeleton, etc. Being a physician, I took the liberty of asking to speak to the interpreting Radiologist after the study, because the waiting is so tremendously difficult. The radiologist called me back into the reading room, and we reviewed the images together, which revealed that they were completely clear. Another answered prayer! I ran out through the waiting room, waving Kels to come with me, and began crying and praising Jesus loudly in the hallway of the hospital, a hallway I had walked so many times and for so many years as a medical student and later as a resident physician during my medical training. I was so emotional and filled with tears that I lost all my sense of direction, and simply asked for Kels to grab my hand and lead me to the car. Being on the other side, as a patient, has given me so much more of an emotional connection with my patients I now treat every day. And yes, as you follow along this journey with me, you will see how I have worked my way back to the medical office.

At this point, we had again received some great news, answer to our prayers, and we would continue to receive more good news. A peace began to fall over me and Kellee, a peace that only God could provide knowing that I was a surgeon who would soon undergo partial amputation of my thumb. We were learning how to live our lives just one day at a time and be happy in the present and in the presence of God.

Until the next post, I will leave you with some words by the pastor, theologian, and author, John Piper. He said, “No one ever said that they learned their deepest lessons of life, or had their sweetest encounters with God, on sunny days. People go deep with God when the drought comes. That is the way God designed it. Christ aims to be magnified in life most clearly by the way we experience Him in our losses. When everything in life is stripped away except God, and we trust him more because of it, this is gain, and He is glorified. “